And we’re back. It’s been quite a few years since I last updated this ongoing tale of the bizarre and frankly, delightfully odd happenings. I have quite a bit to get to in the next several entries, and I am going to do my best to cover it all. I mean, you didn’t think it would stop, did you?
I am going to start with Miss Kat. We had a very nice, albeit extremely tiring first date back in 2010. Over the next 6 years we dated on and off, mostly on some years, and mostly off others. It’s not that we didn’t get along. We get along quite well. But there are a couple of areas that we clash, that are really things I won’t ignore.
Anyway, we are going to look at 2013 today. I get a call a few days before Valentine’s Day, and Kat informs me she wants to see Generic Romantic Comedy on Friday. My response, totally in character, is I’d rather see the new Die Hard. Terrible reviews, she says. It’s going to be bad, she says. It’s Die Hard, I say. Stuff will blow up, I say.
Needless to add, I prepared myself to watch the riveting Generic Romantic Comedy about two people who meet under the most adorable circumstances, while not liking each other the entire film until they realize they are in love after one or both of them dates another person. Cue the latest pop music song desperate to be a hit, annnnnddddd kiss. Credits. Dates dab the tears at the corners of their eyes. Half the women look at their dates thinking, Why can’t he be more romantic? I should have stayed with Last Dude. The other half look longingly at their dates thinking, He is so getting lucky tonight. Hmmmm. Maybe I should re-think this.
Anyhoo, Friday rolls around and I begin to steel myself for the mind numbing torture that this particular film has in store. (Full Disclosure: I do enjoy a romantic comedy or two, especially if certain actors or actresses are involved. NOT Katherine Heigl)
Around 9:30 am I get into a text conversation with Kat (text conversation may or may not be paraphrased, but it is in spirit pretty darn accurate, because…it’s just not the kind of thing you forget):
Change of plans. We’re seeing Die Hard.
My immediate response is…Woo Hoo…wait a minute:
What happened?
(Don’t remember so he’ll be Jerky McDouche) broke up with Bailey last night.
He broke up on Valentine’s Day? Classy. Before or after dinner?
Never went out. He texted her while she was getting ready.
Ok. What did McDouche say in the text? (A text? I will strangle him. Then a friend of mine did the same thing)
He told her she just wasn’t his type. He wanted a younger, prettier girl with a “rockin bod”. (Full Disclosure: Bailey is a blonde about 5’5”. She is gorgeous and has an amazing “rockin bod”. Yes, Kat allows/directs me to say this. They are best friends)
She’s coming out with us, and a romantic comedy is a bad idea.
That evening I picked up both ladies, with Kat flipping up the console in my truck to take the middle seat on the way to dinner. We talked a good bit about McDouche.
Where did you meet him again? (He asked knowing the answer)
At the club (Don’t remember which one)
You knew what he was when you met him. (She did. Called him a sleaze)
I thought he’d be different. He was so sweet in the beginning. (Women, stop doing this)
When did he stop being sweet? (He asked knowing the answer)
Right after I quit letting him sleep over every night. (Noooo…you stop his access to why he’s with you and he changes? Say it ain’t so.)
Well, let me say this. You met him in a club, and you’re surprised he acts like a guy from a club. My step-father and I have a saying for that. When you’re fishing in a catfish pond, don’t be surprised when you catch a catfish. (Yes, it’s brilliant)
Um (My lovely girlfriend interjects), we met in a club.
You are not helping. Did I look like a typical club guy?
Not at all. You were kind and polite. Plus, you were far older than the usual crowd (Ouch) That’s why I looked for you after we ran into each other.
Why can’t I find a guy like you? (Bailey said it, and I went uh-oh inside. This has potential to be a problem)
The conversation continued for a while and then we made our way to the movie. I like the seats at this theater because the arm rests go up, allowing your date to lean into you with your arm around her. I don’t like this theater because the arm rests on the seats go up allowing your date’s best friend to lean into you, and pull your arm around her.
Of course, initial awkwardness aside, I was sitting with two beautiful women. So, there’s that.
I drove them home, walked up the three freakin’ flights of stairs, and said goodnight to them. Kat gave me a kiss, and whispered in my ear a simple “Thank You”. Bailey leaned in a hugged me, perhaps a little longer than she should. She kissed my cheek and thanked me before she went into Kat’s apartment.
This is how I managed to fall into dating both Kat and Bailey at the same time. For the next several months, every time Kat and I went out, Bailey came with us. Yes, she was on the rebound. And yes, it had the potential to blow up in my face.
The thing that kept it tamped down, other than my unwillingness, was the friendship between Kat and Bailey. Bailey wasn’t going to do anything to hurt her friend, so she only went as far as Kat allowed her to go, a line that Kat kept moving as time went on.
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