Round Four: Don't Touch That, You Don't Know Where It's Been

We have reached the point in the post divorce stage where Angie has made two attempts at setting up our hero, with mixed results. Attempt number one was a partial success, only undone by a drunk dial and the embarrassment that followed. Attempt number two was a non starter, which was only confirmed by some untimely laughter at nudity. Guys, if your date walks out naked, don't laugh. Women don't like that.

The next "perfect" girl has no name, because I can't remember it. Actually, I couldn't forget her fast enough. She was an old college friend of Angie's, but they hadn't really kept up since those days. The reason I wanted to forget her quickly was because in her second e-mail, she sent me a link to her web page. She said I should feel free to check out her pictures, and see if I wanted to go forward. She gave me the password, and I clicked the link.

I'm sure you are familiar with dating sites like Match and eHarmony, but in 2003, there were fewer sites like those. Are you aware that there are sites very similar to dating sites, but are dedicated to strictly to getting people together for sex? I believe these days they are called hook-up sites. At least, that's what my close, personal aquaintance Bruce says. This was my introduction to the seedy underbelly of the naked internet.

This woman had sent me to her sex account. The first thing that popped up was a series a naked pictures of her. And it wasn't as if she was the kind of woman you wanted to see naked. I mean, she wasn't an unattractive woman, but come on. I'm not big on tattoos, and piercings really belong in the ears. I still see those thigh high black leather boots in my nightmares. There are things man was not meant to see. To add insult to injury, when I hit that little red X in the upper right corner of the computer screen, 2 or 3 new porn sites popped up. Even pressing X on those opened up more. Close one, two open. This is not the kind of thing you want flying around the computer when the customer service girl walks in your office. You just look guilty. I know of what I speak.

This was one of the times I actually told Angie why it didn't work out. She was shocked, and promised to stop. Hey, if that's all it would take, bring on the hideous naked women.

Laughter. Parents. Etc.