After the control date from Catherine, things went back to where they had been. I went to work out, and she would be there. Every. Day. I must admit I was enjoying the attention from a good looking girl, but I always wondered, why me?
After another 4 or 5 weeks of being workout buddies, I got a call from my friend Sam as I was on the way down to the little gym. I was running late that evening, and it had started to get dark, so the pool area was vacant. I walked around the pool as Sam and I spoke. The gym was around a small corner in the pool area, and I could see Catherine warming up. She waved as I walked past, and I pointed at the phone.
Sam had called to ask me about a few things, and the conversation invariably turned to my social life, as it had seemed to do a lot with him. I told him that I had met a woman named Kathy, in addition to Katherine, and Catherine. It appeared that I was destined to be around some variation of KCatherine/athy for a long time.
We laughed about the absurd circumstances I usually found myself in with women. As I passed the gym door, I could see Catherine still warming up. Really, it doesn't take that long, but she was stretching it out waiting for me. Further into the call, I stayed on the opposite side of the deck so I could have some semblence of privacy.I hung up, and walked over to the gym. Catherine was standing outside the door, next to the wall, and just out of sight of where I had been.
"We need to talk." Oh Crap. You are familiar with the three little words women want to hear? These are the four little words no human ever wants to hear. If you are in a relationship, it is a key indicator you might not be much longer. If you aren't in a relationship, 1] the woman wants to know why, or 2] the man is telling you why you won't be.
We walked into the gym and sat down. "I need to know more about this relationship." Relationship? What relationship? We work out. We went out one time. I've known you for over two months, and I barely know what you do for a living (turns out I was wrong about that). I've met your best friend because you brought her here. Oh, CRAP! Should have known why she did that. Stupid. What do I say to her?
"OK. What do you want to know?" Smooth move...Moron.
"Are you seeing other people?"
Good Lord woman, I'm not seeing you. How could I see other people? Think quick. "Well, we only went out the one time, and we never decided on anything formal here, so it's a possibility."
She seemed relieved. At least, her body languaged changed to appear more relaxed. "So, you haven't been out with anyone else?"
"Not for a while. I haven't really had the time."
"I'm glad. I just want you to know, I'm not going out with anyone else either. I want us to be exclusive, because I really want this to work."
There it was. She was throwing down the commitment gauntlet. This was news because, I didn't think of her that way. I wasn't interested in a romantic relationship. I wasn't even sure I could get excited about dating her. She wasn't all that interesting, other than being a beautiful girl. I thought of how I could say no to her, and not hurt her feelings.
"Cathy, I'm not really ready to take that step right now. It's not you (Lie). I'm not ready to to take it with anyone (Lie again)."
Oh great. The lower lip quiver. The tears will start soon. You are going to give in. It's a done deal once the waterworks kick in. Face it. You are doomed. Goodbye cruel world.
"I just wa...wan...wanted...a...a...a...chance for you to...to...to...see how good it could be." And there they are. In between sobs, she mumbled some other stuff, but I won't bore you with the details.
I had three options. 1] Let her cry. Stand my ground. Ride it out. 2] Let her cry. Walk away. (For the record, I really liked this one), and 3] Give it a try. What's the worst that can happen? Never ask this question. Ever.
After a few minutes of internal debate, I decided I would try to defuse the situation without committing to anything. I thought I had the answer. "Cathy, I'm not sure I really want to do this. Why don't we go to dinner again, and see what happens." My friends who are actual females all used the same word when I relayed this incident to them, so there's no need to call me a dumbass now. It would just be redundant at this point.
I should have just made a clean break, but I stupidly tried to ease my way out. Catherine's tears stopped, and she smiled. "When?" Her eagerness gave me a clue that I was just dropping further into the hole.
"How about next Tuesday?" I know it seemed like an odd day, but for some reason I can no longer remember, Tuesdays were good for me.
She quickly agreed, and I entered the Catherine Committment Zone. Let me explain. The CCZ is a magical place, where it's not necessary for you to even realize you are in it. 6am wake up calls are a given. There would be no useful information whatsoever transmitted during these wonderful interactions between us. Alexander Graham Bell would have punched me dead in the face for wasting his invention on something so stupid. The calls generally went like this;
"Hello."
"Good morning 'baby/sexy/honey/sweetie/cutie' (she liked to mix it up)"
"Good morning to you."
"I'm off to the shower. Talk to you later."
And that was it. The "relationship" was a deep, psychological connection.
She continued to show up at the gym every day, and call me every morning, noon, and night. If you added up all the phone calls for the 6 days leading up to our date, I would say that we got in at least 9 minutes of conversation. Deep, psychological connection.
Tuesday rolled around, and I showed up at her door, half expecting some new zaniness on her part. Perhaps she would be decked out for an evening of horseback riding. When she opened the door, I was pleasantly surprised. She was wearing a very nice blue dress. She was ready for an evening out. We went to a nice Italian joint, and she managed to handle a little more than small talk. All in all, it was a pleasant diversion from the date I had envisioned.
I still wasn't feeling anything long term with her, but that had everything to do with the unmatched interests. I really was a little unhappy about it, because she is a very attractive woman. However, that can't be all there is, so I knew it was never going to work.
I took her home, and rather than spoil the evening, I decided to wait a day or two, because I wanted to think it through and be sure. I got up to leave, and Catherine walked over to me to give me a hug. I really didn't want her to take more out of the situation than I was willing to give. I had basically decided that this wasn't going to work, so why push it?
It appeared that she had also made a few decisions of her own regarding this relationship. Before I could really react, she planted a kiss on me. It wasn't an aggressive kiss, but it was a longer-than-a-peck-lip-on-lip type kiss. She followed that up with rather inappropriate hand motions. Our friend A in Dayton will not like it, but I was prepared to end this thing with her, so I did not appreciate the grabbing of junior and the twins.
I pushed her back, and let it be known that it had a been a nice evening, but that was all. With that, I turned and left without a word. By the time I got home, she had already called to apologize. Twice. With text messages. I told her we were not at that point, and we weren't going to get there, and she couldn't force it.
I had already had my fill of those women in Ohio. Catherine had actually done me a huge favor, because she just made it crystal clear that this was never going anywhere, and I needed to end it.
The next day at the gym, she was apologetic, although the 6am and noon calls were just as short as usual. We sat down, and I told her it was finished. She called again that night, and again at 6am the next morning. That calls were longer, because she wanted me to reconsider.
For the next several days, she asked for an explanation. The following Tuesday, we sat down and I went over it very carefully. She seemed to finally get it.
The next day, Wednesday, I got home from work at the usual time, changed, and headed out the back to the gym. I ran right into Catherine. She was in the common yard walking the dog. Here's the problem. She has her own yard several hundred yards away near her place. Plus, she didn't own a dog. It was her neighbor's dog. That sound you hear is the key turning the ignition to start up the crazy.
The next day, Thursday, I walked out into the yard a little slow. There was no sign of Catherine. I walked to the gym, walked in the door, and ran into the most disconcerting sight I've ever known. Catherine was in the gym, and she had 4 of her friends with her. They were on the treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bikes. And they all had their eyes on me. In no way could I have considered it to be a good thing, because it was a scowl-fest.
I tried to work out, but I cold feel all those eyes on me, staring. When I met any of their stares, they would roll their eyes, and look away, huffing in contempt. I could only imagine what Catherine had told them. The only one who held my glance was Renee, Catherine's best friend. She seemed to have less venom.
I stayed in the gym all of 15 minutes, and went home. I fired off a text to Katherine detailing the whole dog and attempts to kill me with their vision thing. She had been in on the details from the beginning. She texted or called, I don't remember, and asked a lot of questions. She also asked if I wanted to go to Universal that Saturday and blow off some steam.
I met Katherine at Universal Studios around noon. We went in, saw a movie, and went into one of the theme parks. During the day, my phone rang, but I sometimes don't hear it in the park. Catherine called a couple of times, but she never left a message. Katherine instructed me that I should not call her back unless she left a message asking me to do so. Yes ma'am. "If you had listened in the first place." Yes mother.
Later in the day, my son joined us after he got off work. We stopped at Wendy's on the way home, and while we were eating, Catherine sent a text. I have to paraphrase, but it said something along the lines of "baby, I'm so sorry, can't we start again?"
It was well after 11pm, so I decided I would call her the next day after church. I shut my phone down during church, and when I turned it on after the service, I had 13 calls from Catherine. All of them were made in the 90 minutes I had turned the phone off. I showed it to my friend Sharon, who knew what was going on. She said, "Oh, stalker bad." Really, you think?
When I showed the phone to Katherine, her response was a little more animated. "SHUT UP! You better stop this now." Again, thanks Captain Obvious.
I finally called Catherine later that evening. I met her down at the pier in the back of the condo complex. I figured if I couldn't get through to her, I could always dump the body in the lake. It took a while, but she did manage to get a handle on the whole "It's not me, it's really all you" thing. She was apologetic, and she cried a little, but I did not let it bother me. The multiple calls mixed in with her pack of crazed hyenas were the last straw.
She still had a little trouble with the wake up call. That went on for a few more days, until she actually figured out I was serious about not calling. It's hard to let those long established traditions go.
So, here I was, left with another round of complete absurdity. At least I can laugh about it now.
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